The Vipassana Way

this beautiful journal was sent to me by a dear friend who followed her inspiration and took the journey of a lifetime....blessings!

I drove to Sylvan Lake to enter into a 10 day Noble Silence. The purpose was in part to ready myself to facilitate Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction with others. The closer I came to entering the Vipassana, the more I recognized I had to do this for me, or it would be an empty venture.

Arrival at Sylvan camp was mid-afternoon on Day Zero (September 22/08). Registration was followed by a light supper. Instructions were given, to give strong attention to the breath and the sensation around the nose. Then we entered into the timeless space of silence, no touching, no eye contact. We immersed ourselves in a monk-like life. For eleven hours each day we were to sit and mediate.

The “teacher’ was Goenke, a man from India, teaching us via video/CD recording. We listened to CD’s that instructed us in our focus of sensation of the body, firstly a tiny space at the nose and then to view each part of the body in the same way. Every night, for an hour, we watched his DVD explanation of the Vipassana way. I looked forward to this hour of funny stories and discourse that gave encouragement for each step of the way.

Day One I felt that I had voluntarily become a prisoner and wanted to run away! Even though in the past I have spent many days in many classes where this body of mine would easily comply with ½ lotus, the aching in the body had began almost immediately. The head began to ache. And sure enough, the discourse on Day 1 addressed this and suggested:
That the discomfort of being imprisoned in our own habits of thought out pictures in life as misery or suffering in life. In order to be free from suffering, a type of “surgery” would be occurring. One which would reveal to us deep rooted craving and aversion, and also reveal to us a place, or a way of being with life that would give at least a glimpse of the peace that is free of attachment, living an equanimous life; to be equanimous, to view all life from the place of non-attachment.

The view of life is not just any view. It is a view through Vipassana, through practice, to see things, as they really are, seeing that all ‘things’ come only to fall away, all is impermanence. All is change. All is in flux. Therefore, why cling to something that is only to leave. Rather rest in the Ultimate Truth. Vipassana asks/calls one to “right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right awareness, right concentration, right thought, right understanding”.

Sounds great!

It was/is for me deliberate and hard work! It is for this mind to become an observer of sensations that arise in the body (such as anxiety, sadness, passion, anger…) rather than reacting to any of them, be they good or bad. To purify the mind, to observe “reality as it is by observing the truth inside”. This allows me to know me experientially, by feeling, allowing the feeling(s) to come and go, remain present.

In theory this sounds so good! And in practice over the 10 days it was for me a most difficult time. I discovered within my self, deep knots, which have become rooted by repetitive reaction to life. I.e. “that” always makes me feel sad so I must avoid “it”. The pushing away creates a knot. Or “that” always feels good; I must have “that” feeling again (craving). And when I don’t get “it”, I am disappointed (sad) and push the sadness away. On and on the knots have been tied and rooted.

By day 3 of Silence, I was in such physical agony that I thought I might just pop like an over inflated balloon – or is it an over inflated ego?!?!?
In the middle of the night, when I could not cry out for help, we were in silence, I “resorted” to trying the Vipassana breathing meditation method we were taught. Slight, but very meaningful, relief came; enough for me to sit up to sleep off and on until the morning bell at 4 a.m.

The headache continued until Day 7. By this time I had watched it rise and fall in intensity. I experience how it was not permanent. I experienced how it moves from one place to another. I experienced that if I did the work of Vipassana I could experience the part that IS constant, the truth within.
The pains became signposts of knots untying, of the potential of “self-purification by self-observation” as taught by the Buddha. The pain becomes the experience to be observed. I was grateful for the pain! This was a very new experience for me, to be truly and honestly grateful for the discomfort!
Vipassana is a meditation that uses the breath. There is no imagery, no mantra, no prayers, no rites, nothing outside the framework of the body or any method other than observing. Impurities are seen for what they are and may pass away. The purpose is not to heal or change anything. It is to know self.

The 10 days passed and we were freed to speak. I didn’t want to speak. Of course, I overcame that fairly quickly! But the silence, the not having to say or explain, ask or respond verbally, was quite wonderful! We spent Day 10 sharing thoughts, meditating, learning the meditation of Loving Kindness.

Day 11 we were to go home, to practice the method – not to make everyone Buddhist – rather to have a happy life, free from suffering and misery. The only “fee” our teacher hoped for was to feel the emanation of our peace, our love, our happiness.

And so I now practice each day, twice a day, trusting I’ll continue to care enough for myself to add this type of practice to other avenues of care I explore and live by.

So, would I go again? Yes, in time. Would I suggest this for others? I would suggest that each one listen to one's own inner truth and follow the guidance of your own knowing. You’ll know if Vipassana is for you.

The strict boundaries I experience I understand as a way to stop old mind/body patterns long enough for me to feel/know the difference. Addictions to doing things “my way” are more like addictions to tying more internal knots rather than letting go and letting be.

It is not a new concept for me to wish each one peace, happiness, and to know of the truth each one holds within. I simply know that I can now wish this for all with a few less imbedded knots; a deeper knowing of the truth within; the peace that flows in and out on every breath; and, the joy of being in life.